Today, January 15th, 2020, is my 26th birthday. Another year of life that I have been blessed by God to have. 25 was quite a year… I heard for a while about the inevitable “quarter-life crisis”, and like many things in my life, I thought, “Oh, that could never happen to me,” and oh boy, did it ever and hit me hard. However, the beauty of hardship is that there are lessons to be learned and shared. In celebration of my 26th year of life, I decided to create a list of “25 Things I have learned in my life thus far”. I wanted to curate this list as a way to remind myself of the lessons I have learned and to keep. I hope you also gain some wisdom from this as well, and in the spirit of community: share with a friend or loved one whom you think will benefit from this message. Just remember where you got it from because we should always give credit where credit is due.
Without further delay…
Stop comparing your journey to others. Yes, this is a cliché phrase, but it is a cliché for a reason: because it’s true. Yes, that friend of yours is probably making six figures, but you don’t know the stress they endured/enduring to get there. Yes, you see those people traveling, but you don’t know the behind the scenes hell to get to that destination.
Stop envying others’ blessings. Say it with me (and say it out loud!): I do not want someone else’s blessings – I want my own. This isn’t to say you are happy for others – you just want blessings that are a fit for you. I have seen the blessings of others, but I certainly did not want their struggles to get to it. No way. I’m not built for that, and I know others are not built for the struggles leading to my blessings as well.
Stop hating and be happy for others. That friend of yours just got married (to a good partner)? Get that rice ready to toss. Graduate school? Get them degrees, fam. New job? Make them coins! Moved to a new city? Road trip! Use your friends’ wins as inspiration (not envy!) for your grind.
Don’t focus too much on your friend’s harvests and forget your garden. There is nothing wrong with celebrating others, but there is something wrong with not tending to your own goals while doing so. Your friends are celebrating their harvest with all these amazing fruits and veggies, and while you are cheering them on (and even help them through the growing season), your garden is still dry and lackluster. If you have been putting in the work and your harvest hasn’t come yet (still celebrate and be patient – your time will come!). If you haven’t been putting in work, you need to take a step back and analyze why.
It is okay to be selfish. You cannot fill the cup of others if your cup is empty. PeriodT.
Be careful about what and who you choose to help. Not everything or everyone deserves your energy or time. Be wise and exercise discernment.
However, it is important to show gratitude to those who have worked to help fill your cup. I can admit that I am not the best at showing my appreciation. I have been working on making sure the people who have helped me in my journey know that they are appreciated. Gifts aren’t needed, but if you have the ability to communicate… use it. If you have been a part of my journey: Thank you. <3
There are people who genuinely want to see you win. The people that love and support you will want the best for you. Sometimes, they may be harsh with it (that tough love), but they want to see you grow and thrive.
And… sometimes there are people who want to see you fail. This is a sad reality of life. Not everyone will be your cheerleader, and that is a reflection and manifestation of their issues.
Speaking of tough love: you have a right to be spoken to the way you want to be addressed. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it either.
However… you must carry and present yourself in a way that commands how you will be spoken to. This is a huge one. Act like a child? Go in time-out. You walk about with a constant attitude? Someone will humble you very quickly. You want to be treated as an adult – act like one. I know in my professional and educational life, no one can disrespect me (to my face) because I carry myself in a way that demonstrates, “I’m super nice and welcoming, but test me, and you will fail this exam.” I am not perfect by any means, but I want to continue this attitude while ensuring I do what I must in order to earn that respect. Respect doesn’t just fall from trees - remember that.
Be always mindful of how you carry yourself and the interactions you have with people. From the great author and orator herself, Dr. Maya Angelou, “...People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Remember, words and actions have power and can have a positive or negative hold on others.
It’s not you, it’s them. Sometimes people can just be trash, and that is their problem. Over the years, I have developed a sense of empathy and understanding of why people do certain things. I still believe grace and compassion are necessary in this world, but some things and people I just don’t care to “understand.” Trash is trash, and they come to collect it twice a week on my block.
It’s not them, it’s you. Wasn’t expecting this one, were you? Sometimes you can just be trash, and that is your problem. You may have experienced some trauma in your past; however, this doesn’t mean you can act or speak carelessly as you wish. If people meet you and feel automatically uncomfortable because your spirit and energy is just off (as much as I preach that it doesn’t matter what people think of you), you need to fix that. The trash is collected twice on my block, and I have to make sure that I take it out.
Some places, things, and people aren’t meant for you and vice-versa. The more days I have been given on Earth, the more I thank God for excluding me from some events. Certain conversations, attitudes, etc. are not needed in my life, and that is a-okay with me. Learn to be fully content with sitting some things out. Also, people have a right to protect their own space, energy, and who they invest in. If you don’t fit those criteria for people, they should be able to act accordingly (in a respectful way).
Get your finances in order. I cannot stress this enough. Start NOW even if it is watching YouTube videos on organizing your finances, joining FaceBook groups, creating accountability groups amongst trusted people, reading books, etc. START GETTING IT TOGETHER.
Figure out an organization system that works for you. Planners, folders, and other tools are cheap at the dollar tree. Don’t say I didn’t put you on. Watching YouTube videos and listening to podcasts are a great start for inspiration for how to get organized. Poor organization leads to poor performance. Address what is keeping you disorganized and start to address them with baby steps.
Self-care and taking a break is a MUST. I was running on empty for the past few years, which had a significant impact on my health and wellness. I took some much needed time off, and am ready to get back into the grind (with balance!).
Privacy is key. In an era of oversharing, maintaining privacy is a lost skill. Sometimes sharing is a good thing (like this list, haha) and can let others know how you are feeling. Other times… it’s not needed. You decide on what you feel comfortable sharing, but always ask yourself the following: 1) Will sharing this information help me? 2) Will it help enlighten others? 3) Will I lose an opportunity or miss out on a blessing if I share?
This is void if the lack of privacy will impact your safety and physical wellbeing. Once you feel comfortable to share, leave certain information with a trusted friend or family member. This includes meeting new people on dates, business transactions, where you live, your place of employment, any trips you plan to go on, etc. Safety is key.
Safety Apps: Citizen, Noonlight, Voice Notes/Memo Recording (trust me on this…). If you want a post on safety tips… let me know.
You are easily replaced. The world of adulthood has taught me that you can be easily replaced in many areas of your life. Sorry… it’s the truth. Again, be mindful of what and who you place you invest your time in.
However… you are irreplaceable. When you live your life in a way that is authentically you… No matter who takes your position in whatever area of life, they cannot do it like you. People who also admire and value you will also make it known.
Live your life for you. Recently, I had a dear friend who told it straight, no chaser… “Rose, you have to live your life for you. Not anyone else, you.” After reflection and prayer, their words invigorated me to make some moves and continue to be bolder in my life. We are reminded every day that life is precious - use the life you have been given wisely.
It is okay to be vulnerable (to the right people). For some of us, we grew up in cultures that said “vulnerability is weak”, when it can be powerful (when done with discernment). To let your guard down and letting people in is no easy feat. Emotional maturity is the key to handling many situations in life.
Being open to change. This was one I recently made peace within my personal life. Change is inevitable in life. What you had planned five years ago is not your journey today. It is how you deal with change that will shape how you navigate this journey. I am working to live and lead my life in a way that God knows is best for me (I still debate Him on that, but I am learning just to be present and have faith). Since making that realization and accepting it, I have felt a bit of weight off my shoulders and beginning to some sense of clarity in the directions I am to take (or whatever comes my way!). For real, let go and let God.
Take risks in life. What is life without trying anything new? As I tell students and friends, “be comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Don’t like doing things alone? Go see a movie alone, and take baby steps. Try that meal you never had on the menu. Pick up a new hobby. Don’t do anything that comprises your values, but maybe open to hearing a new perspective or doing something new within your comfort zone.
Disclaimer: Safe risks, please. Not anything foolish that can catastrophically harm you and/or others. I am not responsible for if you do something dumb, and you say, “you got it from this blog.” No, you are just stupid (as I have been before).
Bonus! Rose… we thought you said 25… Well, why not toss in a final one to commemorate the day? Understand that you have a purpose here on Earth. Do you want to speak life or death in yourself or others? Do you want to make an impact on your life and of those around you? That is for you to decide.
Peace and Blessings,
